Why "One Day At a Time" Keeps You Stuck

"One day at a time."

It's one of the most common phrases you'll hear in the sober community. As well as when you're navigating any challenge in life. And if it has helped you, that's wonderful.

But what if constantly asking yourself, "Am I drinking today?" is actually keeping you stuck in the decision phase?

In this episode of The Pink Cloud Frequency, I'm sharing a different perspective- one that completely changed my alcohol-free journey.

Instead of negotiating with myself every single day, I made one clear decision... and started building my life around it.

Because once the decision is made, every other choice becomes easier.

Whether you're sober curious, newly alcohol-free, or you've been alcohol-free for years but still feel like you're constantly negotiating with yourself, I hope this conversation gives you permission to stop asking, "Should I or shouldn't I?" and start asking, "What choice honors the life I'm building?"

Because the most liberating part of my alcohol-free journey wasn't simply quitting drinking. It was finally getting to live on the other side of the decision!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to the Pink Cloud Frequency. I am your host, Brianna Wynn. Thank you for tuning in today. If you have ever heard the phrase one day at a time, this is for you. And like so many conversations we have here, this lesson extends far beyond alcohol. That is one of my favorite parts about hosting this podcast because it starts by talking about alcohol, but it feels like it almost always ends up reaching other areas of life. Because changing your relationship with alcohol has a way of changing your relationship with yourself, your habits, and the way you make decisions. So my hope is that every episode leaves you with something you can carry with you into your everyday life, whether you are already sober or you're sober curious, or simply trying to become more intentional. I don't want you to just stop drinking. I want to help you build a life that feels so good that you don't constantly question your decision. And that's exactly what this episode is about. I have heard the phrase one day at a time thousands of times. If that phrase helps you, I genuinely think that's great. But for me, it simply doesn't make sense. That's what we're breaking down. I have had such a liberating experience quitting alcohol. I truly believe part of that is because I have embraced my decision to quit. Every single morning I wake up refreshed, ready to live another alcohol-free day. I do not wake up and think, am I drinking today? Because if I did, every single day would be another negotiation. And negotiation is exactly what you're trying to move away from in the first place. Because you've probably already tried moderation and you know that it doesn't work. So in order to move from negotiation to freedom, you have to be decisive. This is why one day at a time will keep you stuck. I don't mean that you have to decide forever, right? When I say that I don't drink, I don't drink. I don't have to wake up thinking about drinking every morning. But I also don't say in 20 years from now, I won't drink because I have no idea what I will do 20 years from now. I have a good idea, but I can't say for certain. And so that's the difference that I'm talking about here. I'm not talking about forever, but I am talking about moving away from the mentality that you are going to renew your decision on a daily basis. Decisions are exhausting. We've talked about decision fatigue on previous episodes. So you already know that your brain doesn't like making repeated decisions. Every decision uses up some of your mental energy. And the more decisions that you make, the worse your choices become. So if every morning your brain has to decide whether or not you're drinking, you're asking your brain to solve the exact same problem 365 times a year instead of solving it once. That is why willpower does not work when you are trying to quit drinking. So the first question to ask is why are you considering an alcohol-free lifestyle in the first place? Are you feeling disconnected? Is it lack of fulfillment, better relationships? Are you seeking more clarity, more energy, more purpose? Are you tired of hangovers, being sick, having brain fog, even wasting away days in bed? Or maybe it's a combination of all of these, which it was for me. The idea is to lean into those inquiries. Lean into your insights that have led you to even ask yourself if you should quit drinking. Stop telling yourself how much you will lose and start asking yourself why you keep coming back here. Maybe it's because you're starting to believe that whatever you're looking for in life is only possible once you remove alcohol. Maybe you've been sensing a deeper conviction that quitting is in fact the right choice for you. Or maybe you have a faith, a deeper sense of faith in what's to follow on this path, even though you haven't taken the first step. But once you get firm on your why and clear on the potential outcome, you can actually make the decision. And yes, I know that this is in fact the hardest part. It comes at a different point for everyone. Maybe you go to bed at night and you just say enough is enough. Or you wake up one Saturday morning, hung over, and decide you're not waiting until Monday. Maybe you make a promise to yourself or to someone else that you admire and respect that you are going to do this, no more questions asked. At whichever time you decide to quit for good, you stand on it. It's no longer about the consideration or the negotiation or the exhaustion that follows. You no longer wake up every morning asking yourself if this is what you want. You don't have to go to bed at night with unanswered questions, wondering if you should or shouldn't quit. You made the decision. So now you start living your life, changing your routines, building new habits, practicing self-care. Because your mental space has freed up from I'll see how I feel tomorrow, or I'll try next time, or I'm only taking a break, or I'm only drinking on special occasions. Now you actually have the capacity to pour back into yourself. Because decisions remove options. Think about it from a motherhood perspective. You don't wake up every morning wondering, I wonder if I'll still have kids today. Of course not. The decision to have children has already been made. You have children, and now you're living inside of that decision. And now your identity is a mother to your children. And this seems so simple, but this is where women get stuck because they're so busy trying not to drink that they forget to build a life as a non-drinker that they actually enjoy. Now, this isn't always so straightforward. It depends on where you are in your journey, how much you're drinking, how often you're drinking. So I'm not saying that it's so easy. What I'm saying is once you've made the decision, your focus becomes living inside of the decision, of staying committed to it. You stop the one day at a time. Now every other choice is based off of that one decision. You decided not to drink. So now you make a choice to reschedule the vacation that you had previously planned. You decide to go to bed at 9 p.m. every night instead of staying awake until midnight. You decide to grab ice cream from your freezer guilt-free to satiate those sugar cravings. You decide that nighttime socializing isn't on the table for you right now. Or maybe it is on the table, and you decide that you're not available for carpooling because you want to be able to get up and out when you're ready to leave. But do you notice how all of those choices flow so much easier once they are anchored to that one decision? And that's the same with any decision. If you're married and a man asks you to dinner, how long does it take you to decline the invite? It's an immediate no. Does it matter how attractive that man is or how nice the restaurant is that he wants to take you to? Of course not. You're married. When you're making choices based on your personal values and principles and your identity, there isn't room for negotiation. And that is the simplicity that I'm talking about. I'm not saying that simple means easy. Sometimes yes. But sometimes no. I'm not sitting here saying it's going to be a cakewalk for you to quit drinking alcohol. No, the work is real. But making that one clear decision is less exhausting than negotiating with yourself every single day. You don't have to decide if you're driving to the liquor store to buy that bottle. You don't have to decide if you're going to happy hour with your coworkers. Alcohol is no longer part of the equation. When you're clear on your decision to build an alcohol-free life, all of those questions are off the table. You only have to decide and do what honors that decision. So you're not talking yourself out of it. You're not justifying why just one drink wouldn't be so bad and then living in regret days later. Your objective becomes to make choices that support the life you're building. You give yourself that much more leverage and space to find the version of yourself that's been hiding. Your life starts to open up for you. Eventually, your brain catches up too. At first, of course, your brain still expects alcohol to be the reward. And this is the hard part of quitting because that is the pathway that you've strengthened over years. But every time you choose something different, your brain starts creating new associations. Eventually, those 6 p.m. gym workouts become rewarding. Reading becomes rewarding. Sitting on your porch reading a book becomes rewarding. Sleep becomes rewarding. You stop even wanting alcohol because your brain learns that there's something better. You're not relying on willpower. You're not making the choice 365 times more difficult. You stop trying to get through your days and you start living them. All 365 of them. You don't have to go to bed at night wondering if you should have drank or not. Because you've already decided that you don't. And that's all I want for you is to actually live as a non-drinker, not teeter that line for months and years because you never got to experience the full benefit. So for your reflection, get honest about what makes you curious about an alcohol free lifestyle in the first place. If this episode resonated with you, join us over in the private Facebook community, the Pink Cloud Frequency for Women Seeking Clarity, Energy, and Purpose. Thank you so much for listening today. I will talk to you all next Wednesday.